It's Friday. Sex?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
