The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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