check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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