Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Four minutes until I can fart!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
