I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
