What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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