i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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