So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
