so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
