Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
