My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
