I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
