is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
