It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
