You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
