Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
