i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
