OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
