If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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