you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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