i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize