I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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