dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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