I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
