I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
