you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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