this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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