3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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