I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
