My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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