don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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