i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
