I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
