So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
