theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
