never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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