2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
