Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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