I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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