I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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