i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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