Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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