Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
