i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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