I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
