He kissed a someone with a penis
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
