I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
