So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
