I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i think i just lost a toe
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
