my mouth tastes like poor choices
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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