I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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