think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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