Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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