I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize