Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
