Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
someone threw a dead crab at me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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