are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
