Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
