I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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