Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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