This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize