yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
