i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
