What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
