That's intense
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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