It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
