So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
