she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize