There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
