If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
